money brings you down

i wish that everything in the world didn't revolve around money. i decided (stupidly) to pay off my two credit card bills at the beginning of last week, thinking "oh, i can make it thru until the next payday on $100." wrong. bad, bad idea. now i feel like every second i could go into huge dept. that i will be overdrawn on my account and i will have to pay charges that i don't want to pay. i just need to start saving money and be a good girl. my new interest in ebay make this hard. i almost bought a beautiful MJ purse... the it bag of the season... retail of $1,200 and only $350 on ebay. but still $350 too much. i need to not spend money on things i don't need. i have a house now dammit. i need to shape up.

i did not buy the purse. and i am proud of myself.

fire flies

there are no lightening bugs in minnesota. we were on our drive home from nebraska and as the twilight was falling upon us i noticed the millions of lightening bugs all over. they were in the ditches on the side of the roads, in the corn fields that we passed, splatting on my windshield and leaving glowing streaks. i remember the days when i was little and we would catch them and pull out the light-up part and make rings out of blade of grass. little tiny glowing diamonds that were sticky and lost their glow after twenty minutes. i remember putting them in jars and being excited about my homemade lamp.

it made me miss nebraska. i want to watch fire flies at night in my backyard and feel at peace. and i want my kids to be able to chase them and be in awe of them just like i was. there is just something about lightening bugs that says summer.

proof of independence

i went to a movie by myself on sunday. i don't know why, but for some reason i feel this was a big step for me... i am strong enough to be alone in public. in a place where usually groups go together. it really wasn't a huge deal. it was a nice afternoon, i had coffee and popcorn and watched the devil wears prada. i didn't worry about anyone else and it was relaxing. i want to do it again. it was kind of freeing. proof that i am strong. or something like that.