conversation

i always ask dave what he eats. it is very odd. as we are talking about our days, discussing work, it is always a question. "what did you have for lunch?" part of me wants to know because i am obsessed with food. part of me wants to know because i want to know how much money he spent on the food. because now we have a house. and we need to save money.

i wonder if he thinks it's weird that i always ask that. or if the reason i ask is because we are running out of things to talk about. there should always be things to talk about. can you really run out of topics to discuss? or do you just become board with talking to the same person?

burnt toast

i am burnt out. toast. tired of doing things.

moving this weekend was fine. i can't say great. but it went off without a hitch. i can't say great because it was 95 degrees out. hot and sticky. however, moving things in made a huge difference in how i feel about the house. it feels like home now. home with lots of boxes and trash everywhere, but home nonetheless. i could have used another five days off work to get everything done. we were lucky that we had some many days to do stuff in the first place. but i want to do more stuff. i want everything done NOW. we have so many plans and i can't wait for them all to come to life. remodeling the kitchen is something that i really want to happen soon. partly because i want it to look nicer. partly because i feel that paint disinfects things and the kitchen really needs to be disinfected. and made pretty.

we slept in our new ikea bed last night. it looks great. and i think it is comfortable. i am just not quite sure yet. i don't think it is as comfortable as my old bed. i love my old bed. love it. but ikea is cheap and pretty. the headboard is awesome. we kind of end up with a cramped room with it in there and the two chests of drawers we bought. but it looks great. and i got pretty sheets from target. the are pretty and chocolate colored with designs. i got a red duvet cover because we have a red wall in the bedroom... and i found the perfect pillow to pull it all together! i should be a bedding designer. so last night i finally got to put it all together and i think it is perfect. now i just need ot go buy more pillows for the pillow shams and we will be all done with the bedroom (we got all the non-red walls re-painted on sunday morning).

after the sunday morning painting came the second and biggest trip to ikea of the weekend. on friday i went by myself to get light fixtures to replace all the fugly ones in the bedrooms and fixtures for the bathroom. sunday was bed and chests of drawers. monday was bedframe that they were out of on sunday. i will say that ikea is the greatest cheap place to have lunch. dave and i have discovered the 50 cent hot dogs. we can have a huge lunch, including dessert, for $4. awesome. we did that sunday and monday. we are pathetic. but the hot dogs rock. that ends my ode to ikea.

now i have to try to think about work.

baking cookies

we are in full renovation mode at the house. dave is on the final stage of re-finishing our hardwood floors and i am on the third coat of paint on the woodwork upstairs. i am anxious to get all this stuff done and we have only gotten to half of what we planned on doing before we moved in. i am hoping to paint the walls of two of the bedrooms before friday. but that means i have to finish woodwork first. and that seems like a never ending job.

there are too many little things around the house that seems to be part of the old owners. i want this house to be fully ours... and that includes paint colors and light fixtures. i want to demolish and change. make it all my choices. our home.

i want too many things. things that we can't afford to change right now. better tile in the bathroom. new kitchen countertops and a new sink. new blinds for the living room. it is a vision in my head that i want realized now.

i am sure that as we get stuff in... our stuff... that it will feel more like home. it needs to stop smelling like others and start smelling like us. i hate walking in and smelling them. i want to walk in and smell home. i will have to bake some cookies right away when we move in.

puffs plus

being sick sucks. it gets in the way of everything that you want to be doing. this weekend should have been the best time ever. finally getting into our house to paint and sand floors and all the good dirty work. i, of course, had no desire to be doing anything because my nose was so stuffed up and sawdust and paint fumes were the last thing that i needed to be sniffing. stupid cold runied everything. and now (still sick) i have a raw nose from blowing so much. my mom always thought that i was dumb wanting the good tissues... but there is a reason dammit! when you blow your nose as much as i do, you gotta have the soft stuff to do it with. puffs plus is the stuff.

the stupid cold also made me miss dinner with dave's family saturday. his uncle made steaks and i missed it! oh! a good thick steaks sounds like heaven. thank god there was an america's nest top model marathon on. it pulled me thru.

i also learned that nasel decongestent is also an appetite suppressant. interesting bit of knowledge. maybe i will lose a few and the cold will come to something good that way.

threshold

we finally have possession of our house. keys, garage openers, garage code, and a very dirty oven. (our realtor is sending a cleaning service because the previous owners didn't clean the kitchen at all and i was appalled. i did not want to clean that oven.)

we went to sign our life away and then made a stop at bed, bath and beyond for pillows and a trash can, the home depot for a de-humidifier (which we didn't buy because it was so expensive, but i went back and bought the next day anyways) and paint to begin the process of making this house great, then on to sears to see if they had a cheaper de-humidifier (which they didn't) where we ended up buying a shop vac. i did not have any desire to use my beautiful, new, normal vacuum for sawdust. more on my new vacuum later.

so we get to the house that is now officially ours, get to the front door and, out of nowhere, dave says "wait!" and reaches down to pick me up and carry me across the threshold. a romantic gesture to be sure. i was surprised he thought of it. it made me happy. then we high-tailed it to pepitos for some yummy celebration food.

good things.

margaritas

happy cinco de mayo to all. we are all celebrating with margaritas and dos equis here at work. i am a little bit tipsy from the pre-mixed 'ritas that i poured downstairs (they have more tequila in them than you expect). now i am trying to figure out what to do tonight. i was really excited to go out with friends and have a jolly good time. however, that will not be happening. we were to late to make plans with people. they all have other friends and we have none. oh the sadness.

i really have no alcohol tolerance anymore. one drink and i am all fuzzy. not drunk. just fuzzy. a little "whoo hoo," if you will.

so now i am going to make some salsa and be happy at my home.

happy friday!

holding on

i recieved an e-mail from my friend who just recently moved to madrid. the one i wrote about a few weeks back (see freedom). his e-mail gave me a little more perspective on my life, and so i am including it here. he has always been an eloquent writer, and i feel that this e-mail gave a good perspective on how everyones life can turn out a little different. (k-i hope you aren't mad i included this. it had to be done).

"i always have been impressed with your commitment to keep things going from your double major in college, your commitment to a years worth of bookmaking, to the faith of a "hopeless romantic". maybe jealousy is a better word. you posted that a part of you wishes you had the "freedom" that i have exercised by up and moving to a different country and a different life, but i have always longed for your ability to see every day as a new day. understanding this perspective i hope you realize that same part of you in me makes me feel as if this wasn't an exercise in freedom but just taking the next step in my life that i always felt i had to take. i had begun to take my life for granted and once that happens it gets really hard to get out of bed in the morning. five years i worked at fridays. two of them with a college degree. i continued taking classes aimlessly because i always knew in my heart that bartending at fridays couldn't be it. even though i made the decision to move before fridays closed i really see that happing as a sign that i made the right choice. where will the next day take me? i don't know but if i did undoubtedly it would depress me. does it make sense to say that i am hopelessly bound by freedom? burning through life as if it was the only one i have. at the end i may reflect back and regret all the things i left behind where as you, i hope, will see all the good you held on to."

i am happy with all the things in my life. in my choices to see commitments thru and to be who i am. i know that someday i will be able to do things that i dream about now. and i know that i have made the right choices for me. sometimes i just get a little bit curious at how my life would be if i weren't me. if i were some fancy person that always wears make-up that always catches peoples' eye. or if i were more independent and lived by myself and did things alone more often. but i am just me. plain old liz who wears a ponytail to work because it is easy and doesn't care if she has lipstick on or not. who likes to go to the movies with people, to share experiences with someone, rather than having it all to myself. i like me, sometimes, i just wonder if i should be someone else.